Ok, so this is in no particular order…but this just had to be addressed…These acts were bad…no I mean really, BAD!! So bad that they stunk…on ice….Unfortunately for our ears, all of these acts were actually hit artists in their day…that means that someone told each and every one of them that having a recording career was actually a good idea. So be prepared, cause you know like I know that you had some of these albums….ADMIT IT….
1. Vanilla Ice- Ninja Rap
Ah-Ha! Thought I was gonna post “Ice, Ice Baby” didn’t cha….No I took to something that was significantly worse…Can we say “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go.” Looking back, he looks like a parody of a rapper…but no kids, this guy was for real…It’s one thing to disrespect yourself…but when you disrespect a beloved institution like The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, oh it’s time to go…
2. C&C Music Factory- Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)
Well is there really a good word that can be said about this group? For starters they used a Martha Wash sample without permission, and then pretended that it was skinny, Velma Davis actually doing singing. This was bad enough, but the tip of the iceberg was that low-budget MC-Hammer wanna-be, Freedom Williams…He sounded like he could have been Ice-T’s illegitimate little brother…without the rhyme flow, lyrical prowess, etc. You know it’s the truth…
3. Snap- The Power
Think this was the original version…well, then you’d be wrong. A version by Chill Rob G, was actually released about a half a minute earlier. That still didn’t make it a good song in either incarnation. “So please stay off my back, or I will attack, and you don’t want that.” If it means anymore of this type of rhyming, then No, I don’t think that I want any parts of that....
4. Harlem World feat. Mase- I Really Like It
It is in my esteemed opinion that this is the reason why Mase disappeared so suddenly from the music scene to become a pastor. Cause homeboy had to repent to the Hip-Hop Gods for being the mastermind behind this "trava-sham-mockery" of a song, and corresponding video. Can we name any of the members of the group, Harlem World? I thought not…The video was basically a circus on stage, complete with flying motorcycles, Mase himself being shot out of a cannon, and the Mowry Twins (yup, those Mowry Twins, as in Tia and Tamera)?? And do you know who I feel the worst for in all of this mess….The neighborhood of Harlem for having been represented by this clown…
5. Snow- Informer
Do I really have to go to the Jim Carrey “Imposter” skit from In Living Color for further verification? Sadly enough, it was a little too on point…This cat was rapping Jamaican, but was really from Toronto…WTF?? But somehow, this song was a big hit in ’94….Even the Jamaicans didn't even understand what this fool was sayin....
6. PM Dawn- Set Adfrift on Memory Bliss
These guys made the previous so-called “Hippie Rappers,” A Tribe Called Quest & De-La Soul….look like N.W.A. It was basically poetry recited to a beat. Like I wanted to snap my fingers afterwards or something…Rose colored glasses and flower power at its finest….NOT HIP-HOP!!
7. MC Brains- Oochie Coochie
Am I the only one who found his voice horrifically annoying? He some how manages to make it that much worse with hitting high notes while he was rhyming….Who does that?? We can blame Michael Bivins of New Edition for this atrocity…
8. Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch- Good Vibrations
First of all the name alone gets “two snaps up”…I swear is it just me, or was it a trend to have a fat, black woman singing over your beats back in the Early 90’s…I’m just sayin…But what is most hilarious about this is that not even Marky Mark himself will even acknowledge that this was once him…Oh no, not distinguished Oscar-Winning actor, Mark Walhberg. Dude, seriously just admit it already…Those of us over 25 all remember that it was you….If you look up the definition of “Wanksta” in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Marky-Mark next to it….Seriously…lol
9. Gerardo- Rico Suave
Now as much as we’d like to erase this one from the confines of our memory banks, unfortunately, we can’t. This song was clownable then…complete with Mariachi band as his backup dancers in the video. But for as bad as this song was, and it was bad….his hair was pretty…
10. Hammer- Pumps in a Bump
See, you thought I was gonna put “Can’t Touch This,” didn’t cha? That was cheesy as hell, but it was at least respectable compared to this. No I took it to “The Funky Headhunter,” which was the name of this album. Now those who don’t know any better would look at this and not see anything wrong with it….After all, it sounded like every other tired West Coast Gangsta Rap song that came out around that time. But those of us who remember what M.C. Hammer just a few short years before know just how wrong this is. Don’t you see this is the last act of a desperate man? This cat was going through a mid-life crisis or something. I don’t care what anybody says, 2Pac and Suge Knight knew this was laughable at best when they helped him release it…This cat was just rocking oversized gold glittery pants just 3-4 years before, and know he’s traded it all in for an all black outfit, complete with combat boots….Lawd, Hammer up and went “gangsta.”
“Pumps in a Bump”….What does that even mean?? I guess he just though that it sounded naughty…
And so there we have it...The Worst Rap Acts of the 90's....If you can possibly think of anymore that should be added to this list, please comment below...
Until Next Time....